Just call me “Arlo, the eternal optimist” because I’m pretty sure things are going to work out for the best. Like, right now, if you’re looking for a cat, I bet you want one who loves to be held and loves being in your lap. I bet that, if you were to go to Build-a-Cat Workshop and create your ideal feline friend, they would be outgoing, fearless, adorably chunky, and good with other cats and dogs. He’d be mellow-but-playful.

He might even have cow spots, a cute little receding hairline, and round, yellow-green eyes. He’d be the perfect age: four years old. Old enough to have matured out of infuriating kitten shenanigans and young enough to have many good years ahead of him. Maybe you’d even think “Arlo” is a good name for your cat, but if you didn’t, you could change it. I- uh, that is, HE wouldn’t mind. Your ideal cat, I mean. Gosh, I sure hope you find one like that…

You know, though… hey- now that you mention it, I DO happen to tick literally every one of those boxes. I’m cuddly, friendly, good with everyone, and an overall excellent cat.

You know why I think things are really going to work out well? Because I’m also looking for something: a human of my own. Or two humans. Maybe a family of humans and their associated animals. I’m not picky, really. My Build-a-Human Workshop human would just be someone nice who can take care of me and will let me sit in their lap and help them with their chores. I’d be happy with a Thrift Store Human!

So, I think we can help each other out. You, my perfect human, and me, your perfect cat. Let’s meet up and make a perfect match!