You know what they call me here? It’s Tic Tac. If you flip that around, it’s one letter off Cat CIA. There’s no way that’s a coincidence, man! How far does the conspiracy go?!  They’ve got me in this facility with a bunch of other cats, right? It’s gotta be a setup. Are we all the subject of an elaborate social experiment? An alien plot? They provide us with unlimited food, shelter, love, and about nine gazillion cat trees. Then, they feed us catnip, which we all know is the opiate of the masses. What do they want from us? What are they hiding?  The other cats are suckers. I tolerate them for the sake of keeping the peace, but I can’t wait til I can get out of here and not have to live with them anymore. They don’t have a clue. I mean, wake up!  Sometimes, they bring a dog in here just to see how we react. Don’t you think that’s… interesting? I do. I walk up and sniff that dog and… to be honest, she seems cool. I mean, it’s gotta be a trap, but overall, I don’t mind dogs.  The truth is, I don’t hate it here. I mean, I know these people are up to something (do you KNOW what “Neutered” means? Look it up!) but… I have to admit it’s really nice when they pet you and talk to you. I can’t help but really like people.

Hey, can I trust you? You’re not part of this, are you? Because here’s the thing. Cats have been disappearing. All the humans get all happy and sad and say, “oooh, he’s getting adopted, I’ll miss him” and then he’s just GONE. I don’t know what “adopted” means, but I need your help to bust out of here before it happens to me.  So if you want to join me and expose the TRUTH (or… we could just forget about it and be a family. I wouldn’t mind that), come and get me!