My name is Senator Kristopher Patrick Kreme and I’m running for the highest office in the country: Resident President of Your Home.

That’s right. I want to be your cat. Now, you might be thinking, “Tell me, Kris P. Kreme,” (that’s what my friends call me), “Out of all the candidates for this prestigious position, why should I choose you?”  Well, folks, I’m a cat of the people. My policy with regard to other cats one of reciprocal diplomacy: unless they invade my space, we will not have a problem and can live in peace. However, if necessary, I will not hesitate to enforce my borders.  I’m running on a platform of mutual human/cat respect. I believe that picking up a cat is just rude and should not be tolerated. I believe that humans are phenomenal creatures and smell good and have nice hands for petting. I believe in squeeze-up treats and plenty of purrs. I believe that, if you like someone, you should follow them around and then flop down at their feet.  I may be youthful (2 years old,) but I have all the qualifications you’re looking for: personality, geniality, and handsomeness (handsomeality?).  So choose me to be Your Cat this November (or, if I’m lucky, this October!)  I’m Kris P. Kreme, I’m two years old, I’m neutered, up to date on shots, and fully vetted.  … and I approve this message.  Meet me at my next town hall: seven days a week, 10-4